Priorities

I'm a busy college student, journalist, and member of the Triathlon Team at the University of Colorado, and I ride a roller coaster of motivation from day to day. Sometimes I'm focused, determined, and inspired, and sometimes I just need a day to chill. I started this blog on a whim, and I don't know if it'll really go anywhere. For now, it's just a place for me to ramble. Half the time, I will talk about how amazing triathlon is, how I get a rush of endorphins every time I train, how much I love accomplishing a goal, etc. The other half, I will vent about the crazy mindset we triathletes have that makes taking a day off seem like a crime, and how I deal with that mental back-and-forth every day.

In some ways, I'm more driven than most people. I go to practice often, and I work hard. I know how to dig deep and give it my all. I do triathlon because my teammates are awesome and my coach believes in me, because I love the person I am when I'm healthy and the power I feel when I'm high on endorphins. But sometimes, like anyone who's human, I have my motivational fails. I take a day off now and then, not necessarily because it's built into my training schedule, and not necessarily because I can't find the time. Sometimes I'm just not feeling it, for one reason or another. Like today. I was just really comfortable lying on the couch watching Friends with my family this Christmas break morning, and the windy winter outside my door looked really unappetizing for a run. So I stayed snuggled in my blanket and watched a couple more episodes. I had all the time in the world today to get a workout in, but something was telling me it didn't need to be a priority today. And as wonderful as it was to relax, I still felt a little guilty. Because of my team, my coach, and my own compulsion to stay in shape, I still feel like I need a legitimate excuse every time I take a day off. At first, just feeling like chilling and indulging in a little couch time is a good enough reason for me to skip a run. I'm not like a lot of my other teammates, who can't remember their last day off - I usually take one to two every week, and they're generally not scheduled, they just happen. I compensate by working hard in later workouts, and my days off don't make me slow or out of shape. A lot of the time, though, I regret skipping and feel badly the rest of the day. This is an ongoing struggle I have, and it's the subject of my blog.

When these days happen, I like to take a step back and look at my priority list: 

- To be competitive on my team, to represent CU at Collegiate Nationals, you have to work hard and you have to be pretty darn fast. We have over 100 dues-paying members, and only the top 7 guys and top 7 girls make the team each year. I missed the No.7 spot by a minute last year. As disappointed as I was last spring, that minute set up a great goal for me this year - to be on Nats Team 2011. We are even better as a team this year than we were in 2010, so if I make the cut, I'll be especially proud of myself. And even if I don't, training alongside such fast athletes will make me much faster in the process. I work hard every practice with this goal in mind, and it keeps me excited about the sport. So making Nats Team is a priority, and I need to be ready to give it my all at our next time trial and at Regionals in March if I want to reach it.

- Before I even knew what Nats Team was, though, I joined Tri Team for other reasons. I was a spring track runner for all of high school, but I wasn't competitive until senior year, and even that was only on tiny-private-school level. I played soccer in the fall until junior year, and switched to cross-country my senior year. That cross-country season changed my life. I ran every day, lost 15 pounds, and discovered a talent I never really knew I had. I won the first cross-country race I ever ran in, and the season kept getting better. My fastest time that season was just under 21 minutes. At the time, I thought that was good, but now I know that if I had run for all of high school and had better competition, it could've been 2 or 3 minutes faster. I ran through the winter (which I never did before senior year), had my best track season ever, and didn't want to let it all go when I went to college. I knew I needed a team, but at the time D1 cross-country was unrealistic. So I joined Tri Team with a small running background, and learned how to swim and bike from scratch. I trusted the team's website, which told me I could join even if I felt like drowning after swimming a 25 or only had a rusty old mountain bike to ride. Starting out in the sport, all I wanted to do was stay in shape and be on a team. I never knew how much I would improve. I'm a better runner now than I've ever been - I wish I could have another season each of cross-country and track just to prove it. These goals, though - to stay healthy and be on a team - will probably follow me throughout my life.

- Outside of training, though, I have other responsibilities. When I'm at school, my life is nonstop. I go to practice almost every day, sometimes twice a day. I interview athletes and write articles for the CU Independent student newspaper at least once a week. I head the Communications Team for CU SportsMag, which meets twice weekly. I just finished a semester with University Choir. And oh, yeah, I'm a full time student - the real reason I'm in college, which I sometimes forget. I love my busy life, and I don't want to give anything up. I get depressed when my life isn't hectic enough. But I'll be the first to admit that it can be overwhelming sometimes. 

- Finally, life isn't all about responsibility. Life is about living. It's important to me to spend time with my roommates, my friends, and my family. I go out on the weekends because it's FUN and carefree and it seems like the only time in the week that I'm not living by a schedule (but even then, if I stay out too late, I might sleep through morning practice...) And it's not just partying. One of the biggest reasons I chose Colorado for school is its outdoorsy feel. I love climbing, hiking, mountain biking. Last year, I let the fall weather get away before I got many chances to enjoy the mountains sans-snow. I didn't realize that snow would hang around until April. This year, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let triathlon prevent me from taking advantage of some of the other stuff that makes me who I am. So, for instance, the Sunday morning that my team did an "easy run up Flagstaff," I climbed the First Flatiron with a friend (and fellow teammate) and didn't regret it at all. If I wanted to, I probably could've seen my team struggling from my spot overlooking all of Boulder. :)

So when I make a choice, like I did today, not to prioritize working out every day of Christmas Break, it takes a lot of effort to convince myself that that's okay. On the one hand, I hear my coach saying B3, B3, B3, telling us that a National Championship isn't won in April, it's won in December and January. I hear him telling us that he's scheduling a time trial for the week we get back to see how much we've been training. I remember the one minute that stood in the way of me and Nats Team last year. On the other hand, I hear my mom telling me to take it easy, to enjoy Christmas BREAK and the holiday season instead of worrying about workouts. I remember that Havasu isn't until March and that one day won't make that much of a difference yet. I predict the stress and craziness that will be spring semester, and I can't help but savor the feeling of sleeping in and watching Friends all day. Come our next time trial, I might have to work a little harder and dig a little deeper to compensate, but hey, that's what I'm good at. 

Give and take.

Caryn